did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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