He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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