Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
