then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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