He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
