No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
