Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
