How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
