new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
