let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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