She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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