he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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