Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
