found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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