Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize