i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
