I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
