You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
