I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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