No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
