i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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