Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
