Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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