Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
