my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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