She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
