I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
