No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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