i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
