I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
