she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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