If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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