Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
