Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
