The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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