Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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