So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
