I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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