Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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