Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
