If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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