do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
