im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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