if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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