Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
