I molested 6 butterflies tonight
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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