I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
