was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
