the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
