There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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