i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
