I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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