i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
there is glitter all over my balls
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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