He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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