friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize