her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
