My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize