Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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