I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
