a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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