so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
