They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
