and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
