Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
