did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
